How's This Going To Work? And More!

So I guess you're wondering what this is all about and what it's going to do.

Well. It's about my life. And it's going to help me figure out what I'm going to do.

How's it going to work? No idea. But every day I'll be posting what goes on in my life and such. And once a week, I'll post a story. Those stories will all fit together, and make up the past that I'm going to share with all of you. It's simple, see? :)

So what's going on today?

Well...most of you probably wouldn't have heard of this, but the Metro Community College Prostart Invitational is coming up next Monday and Tuesday! Monday is the Culinary Day and Tuesday is the Management and Knowledge Bowl Day.

I'm in the Management part with my so-called Best Friend. Let's see....I've done all the work. Like usually. And all she's done is sat back and bitched.

What did we (I) have to do? Simple. Design almost every aspect of a restaurant. We decided on a Cafe and Bakery. We (I) designed the floor plan, we (I) did the 28 page business proposal, we (I) did the PowerPoint, and we (I) did the visual display. I'm all ready for this! We have to give a 10 minute speech and then answer questions, and then have to spend a 45 minute period at our visual displays and answer more questions.

The problem? I don't want her taking all the credit for MY work. And she keeps complaining whenever I want to practice the speech. I seriously have not asked that much of her! And yet, when I want to spend one class period practicing the speech, she flips shit.

So I told my mom. I told her I was tired of her taking credit, and that I wished I could just do this by myself. Which I can't, because you have to have a team of 2-4 people. And that same night, my friend and I made up and we were all better!

But what did my mom do? Email my Prostart teacher, telling her what I said and asking if I could just do the competition by myself. And what did that accomplish? Oh nothing much, except for the fact that my friend won't talk to me now and my teacher won't quit grilling her about everything. She would've been grilling me too except I've been having these terrible stress-related migraines and stayed home from school.

So now I have lost my only friend, the competition that I've spent months working on, and the respect for my mom.

UGH. Sometimes, I just hate my life.

<3

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Introduction, pt. 1

This was only meant to be a few pages…not a whole blog.

A couple paragraphs.

Not anything huge. And yet, here it is. Almost a full notebook whole of the stories and people who made the person that I am today.

This is my life.

These people you are about to read about….they are….or were…my friends. My family. My everything.

They were everything and more. Some still are.

And I love them for staying with me through everything.

But, I can never forget what they’ve done. For me. To me. Caused me to do.

And hopefully, after this, neither will you.

A couple warnings and other notes:

Everything in this is true. Some of it might be off, by a few words, dialogue and such…but every story, every bit, every person, is true. The only thing different is the names. All names have been changed.

This is graphic.  There is violence, drinking, sex, self-mutilation, overdosing…the whole works. Cursing will be kept minimal (I’m trying to quit, hah) but I can’t make promises.

This is unedited. No one except me, and now you, has read this. Of course, I’ve changed a few words here and there, and revised it a bit, made it flow more, you know, the little things. But, I’ve never had someone else go through it. Until now. If you are reading this, feel special.

I try to be humorous. Yes, I have a lot of black humor. So please, don’t email me saying how I can laugh at something in my stories. Because first off, the stories are mine. It’s my life, I can choose to laugh at whatever the hell I want. Second, it’s almost the only thing getting me through this. I’ve had a very, very hard time coping with everything. Humor keeps me going.

I’m suicidal. Yes, I truly am. The problem though is that I’m also bipolar. And un-medicated (there’s a story dealing with this, so don’t email me saying I should be seeing a therapist!). Yes, it’s complicated, and yes, it’s hard to deal with. But I get through it. I get through the episodes, and I get through the mood swings. So really, it doesn’t matter much. And trust me, if you’ve gone through all this, you’d probably be in my situation too. The reason I’m telling you all this, is because this is how I’m coping. I’ve heard a lot that letting out everything will help. I hope so.

I got this idea from a book. 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher to be exact. I’m in love with this book. LOVE IT. Yes. I do. And no doubt, most of you have probably heard of it. If you haven’t, I recommend finding it. It’s an easy read, and it’s very sad. But yes, I got the idea from there to do this. There are a lot of differences from this and the book, but the main idea is from there.

Well. That’s really all I have to say for now. That and good luck, I hope you stay with me through all of this.

Oh, one more thing:

Don’t be afraid to email me with questions or comments. I will answer. In fact, I hope you do email me, tell me anything you want. Hate on this, I don’t care. I like getting email.

And also, I should say this:

If you are feeling depressed, suicidal, moody, whatever: Get help. Do not do what I do. Talk to someone, talk to anyone. Go to your school counselor; call the hotline (I will try and find that number and post it soon). Do SOMETHING. Email me, email your parents, talk to your best friend, talk to a stranger. Do NOT do what I do. Trust me, it sucks. And I wish I could change a lot of things, but I can’t. And I regret that. And I’m lucky to be sitting here typing this, and I am thankful everyday for that.

So with that, I leave for tonight. Tomorrow, a new post will be here hopefully. I have a few things already typed up, and the rest is still sitting in my nice little worn out notebook.

<3

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